John articles

Love comes to willing. Stays only to the patient. And chooses to disappoint those who expect much from it. The reality will always be “Men always want to be a woman’s first love – women like to be a man’s last romance.” It might pain less to be disappointed especially to many but to the few who know the taste of true love, It becomes a void. A void that takes ages to fill. Isn’t that much of a reality? The more you get used to disappointments the less you care. I mean loving with ‘your all’  just to get drained? Staying with hopes and wishes of loyalty only to reality that much happen in absentia. I tend to think this is one of the reasons why people choose to fear love. Maybe am right maybe am not. But all i know is there will always be hope for a sweet tomorrow.

But one truth i have conquered with, You can never tame a wild bird. Once in a while the bird will always come around. You will admire its chirping , admire the feathers and love how it makes motions. The soon you want to get close, It flies away. There’s no way for you to keep it caged unless by force. And no one wants to keep a sad caged bird as a pet. It’s just a waste of time and resources. So for how long would you choose to stay patient until the wild bird becomes friendly? Is that patient or wasting time? I don’t know but i think this is too deep for you to answer. I hope someday you choose to be tamed but not in a cage.

It doesn’t pain. It doesn’t hurt  that i wasn’t the first one. I mean everyone decides what they want to do with their own life. You chose what you wanted. Who am i? Am just a nobody, a tattered soul held up in hope of finding true happiness. And my disappointment is that i will never be the last one. It’s not bad. Fate always has a way of getting people connected to their destinies.

Too deep to understand the reality.

Xoxo.

♥

We all have road signs in our lives. Lines  that tell us to Go and lines that tell us to Stop. Whether we read them and believe them it’s up to us. I guess that’s why some of us have fallen and can’t get up. Sometimes we keep our eyes wide open. Everything is good. Everything is fine. People keep living. People keep dying. Life is all sweet. Love comes and loves goes. Heartbreak after heartbreak and the list keeps growing. We get used to it. And it reaches a point when nothing really matters. Not even our conscience. Not even feeling guilt.

A time comes you just feel it’s a normal thing to be in grief 24/7. It feels normal to have people toy around with your emotions. I mean it becomes usual getting crushed on yesterday, being loved today, going for a date tomorrow  and a heart-break follows the day after tomorrow. The sequence goes on and on. Day by day. Year after year. It becoming a lifestyle to say ‘ I expected it’. Your list grows into a variety of Dark skinned, Light skin, Chocolate, Dark, Short, Tall and the confused ones and life goes on without priorities. You can’t even think straight on whom you want and how they need to be like so you end up You settling at ‘You Only live Once’ and end up becoming  worn out. To the guys you don’t even worry about being smart anymore, you become bushy all over and hygiene isn’t your thing anymore. Girls become an object you use and dump anytime and it feels okay. To the ladies your physique doesn’t matter. You ‘give up yourself’  and become saggy all over. People think you’re aging yet it’s your negligence. and nothing matters to you. You’re getting me well ain’t you? Then moments comes when you realize you’ve lost your taste. You don’t even know what matters to you. Everything is good enough.

People will walk away from you. And you won’t be shocked because it’s a trend in your life. Their excuses won’t match your understanding, their ego won’t fit your patience. But after sometime loneliness creeps in and you get back to the same square of begging them to stay. No way!  ‘Stop begging people to stay. If people walk out of you -let’em walk’. I know it’s hard enough and you’ll be asking,

“How will I manage?”

“How will I survive on my own?”

“I’ll die a lonely life?”

No! You can’t die and even if you feel like you will, you need Courage. Courage to begin living a new life. Courage to know who you are. It’s always clear that unless you lose site of the shore, you can never gain courage to sail in the ocean.

‘Even when life takes another form and it’s all broken into pieces, grab onto the piece that you got left and hold on’. You need to focus on your pieces. Pic them up make good out of it. You don’t need perfection to be fit for a long-term love. You don’t need a big ass to be hot. You don’t need tattoos and abs to find love. Nothing is meant to last, we choose to keep them long. Nothing really comes to stay.

Don’t be carried away  by every compliment and fall for the wrong person. Don’t be too thrilled by daily hugs and uncountable dates. You need to keep your priorities straight. Know your taste and be capable of picturing what you need even before you have it. That’s what it takes to avoid heart breaks. Don’t fall for the first hiccup- wait for the next one to know it’s not fake.

So before I leave ‘Stop focusing on what  you lost – Start living on what is left.’

Xoxo

♥

You know that  sick feeling when you can actually feel the pain in your chest  from remembering something that  really breaks your heart. That moment a thought flashes your mind and you totally lose your appetite. And just to get over it you tell yourself,

“You’re going to ace your finals, you’re going to be on summer break, you’re gonna  be okay, Don’t sweat the small things”

Well I know It has taken you  to get over the pain. Confidence was lost. Trust was broken and the flexibility to open up to anyone else was drowned. Maybe its fate. But what if this same fate was mistaken? What if time has to be reversed would things be the same? Maybe Yes maybe No.

The soul is tired and dying. Tired of fighting for souls that wouldn’t be willing to do the same, Dying from the anxiousness and despair. I  know for as long as you can remember it’s all unfair. Unfair how expectations are trashed into the same dustbin of humiliation. Does it hurt to trash? I mean trash  affection into the same bin of hopelessness? Maybe it’s OK with them but I know  even if your pride rose twice as much, you wouldn’t make them feel your pain. And the reason is your HEART. Anyway who knows. Matters of the heart can never be complicated enough. Someday things will make perfect sense to you.

But before you think of someday. The truth is one day you’ll be so happy. So happier. You will get to a point of asking.

“Why wasn’t I patient in this life?”

Your lost friends will be back.The love that was buried will be unveiled. Affection will be real. Your whispers will be loud enough. Your pain will mean a lot to someone. A new dawn will be real. It will be a fulfillment of all your desires.

So say this to yourself today:

Please dear heart when you feel like things ain’t in place, when you feel like you can’t withstand it all. Please hold on a little longer before withering.

Don’t try to  tire or die.

Cheer up♥

Xoxo

The truth is I can’t put words into how much I love you. Yeah! I know I haven’t seen you but all i know is that you’re out there just for me. I don’t know if this letter is worth being written. Am also not sure whether you’ll ever come across it. But just in case you do, whoever you are, whenever you are just know you are the chosen one.Come to me soon.

As I write am trying to think maybe we’ll meet accidentally or probably i see you everyday and haven’t realized it’s you. What if I’ve already found you and you are the one-Who knows? We might even meet as strangers and let our flames grow into an inferno. Love also knows its way home. I suppose i have all the reasons to make guesses because i know you are out there waiting to meet me someday.But one thing i know is that even if you won’t have a crown, to me you’ll always be a queen. What will attract me to you is your tender love and a cute smile that will carry me away. How you will look at me at first I’ll definitely know your loyalty to me and keep you royal enough. So i know probably all these sounds stupid and awkward but am certain that when we walk down the aisle, all will be a happily ever after story in the mouths of your friends.

Dear future wife maybe writing a letter to you might not be effective enough. Am into conviction probably I should have written a poem, or a song but what if all that isn’t in your line? Another side says i should have stayed and waited to see you in person and say all these in person because no matter how many pages i scribble down, I’ll need to put an end. But having you right besides me, our conversations would go on and on. My friends say that am lyrical and always tell me that if i wasn’t a love affairs writer then I’d probably be an Trey songs singer.I don’t know how right they are about me but all i know is you will prove to them that my patience was worth it.

I think too much in terms of love and i guess a day wouldn’t be gone before I say something about love. So in this letter i choose words. Words that go beyond. Far much beyond the shallows of the soul. Words that will keep you on toes to wait for me as you have always done because to tell you the truth – It’s worthwhile. I will accept your flaws and a pre-promise, i will never judge you not even in my temperaments. Oops! wait do i have tempers? Not really but once in a while i need someone to grab me and say

“Let the pain go, am here for you”

I will never hurt you intentionally and trust me I’ll be there for you. ALWAYS.

I don’t know whether you will be light or dark-skinned, slim or chubby, short or taller than I am. All i know is you will be enough for me and i will be glad i found you.

For you I will keep the vow to my best:

“I take you to be my lovely wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part”

The sweet thing about it is that death won’t change anything.

I will love you till eternity.

Xoxo

Hello dear,

What am about to text you will probably shock you but the truth is it’s not easy for me either.

I love you so much and I’d say for sure you are one person I wouldn’t imagine being away from. Your personality is unique all the way to how you make your stands is one thing that gives me crazy chills.

I have known you for less than 4 years  but I feel as if we’ve been together for the rest of our lives. I haven’t done much for you and yet you always make me feel like am a great person from outside. How you describe me from my dress codes to my walking styles down to how I smile. It’s so satisfying and I can’t describe it much better than you do. Lol!

Well said, the reason as to why I,m texting all these is to show you how much you’ve impacted my life. (Forgive me to say this) I know we’ve never been out for a date except on occasional basis but it feels like every day is valentine to us and roses always keep on piling up in our treasure box. Yeah! I sure have it in my brain and always have it ringing like when do we do it? When do I go playing hide and seek in the woods?. When do we swim together into the deep end? When do we do the color festivals and have the fireworks making love shapes in the sky? I’m a bit crazy when it comes to boosting my adrenaline (Having fun).I get wild and let my energy flow, from my head to my toes.

I hope you still reading closely, one simple reality is that my world has been a small heaven and I feel that I’ve met an angel in person. Am not trying to be lyrical or poetic you are one person close to my weirdness and far from my illusions. A dream and someone I thought  I’d never be right for.

But on the contrary  much has been happening – emotionally. I feel as if I’m straining to fit in. I mean I have stupid fears that can’t be explained by anyone. But the fears keep on creeping into my mind. I don’t know if there’s another way out. To be sincere enough- I feel lost. The truth is what we have isn’t working. My wish is for us to be happy 24/7 but I’m in a few positions to guess how it should work.

I know this sounds strange but it’s true within me. Not because you ain’t giving it your best. Not because you ain’t enough- You are more than enough. But on my side I’m not safe. And am sorry because that only means one thing. I need to find myself and feel safe because it will be an emotional humiliation to keep you stranded in my unpredictable fears. The love is strong the fears are stronger. Don’t even think of saying that am over thinking. This is my inner voice calling to  the rescue of the forgotten meadows.

You ain’t leaving my heart soon because that will be more than a piercing but I have to let you be. No pressure. No strings attached. No hard feelings.

I hope someday this will make perfect sense.

Yours loving,

♥♥AS ALWAYS♥♥

The real her was here to stay. I tried to assume that it was only for sometime but the truth.She had been pretending all that while and the moment of glory was now over.How could she? Why did she have to act ‘cool’ all that while? I mean I was ready to handle any character. She was enough. More than enough but why did she have to be someone she wasn’t? It pains though not like before.But maybe this was meant for a confirmation-someday (I am probably living in the ‘foretold someday’). Or maybe that’s why. That’s why things had to be wind up 24/7. Who cares though! Oops! maybe that sounds rude but to be realistic lemme ask you. Would you prefer to deal with a real person or deal with a pretender only to realize someday that their face was masked?? Keep the answer. You also feel the pinch.

You know that moment when you are so deeply in love with someone. 100% it’s them for a lifetime.And you are just not sure how to express it. As if that’s not enough.You feel stupid before their sight. It feels weird right? I mean you get so confident that you can cross oceans for them but you just don’t know how to sink it into their brainless heart.On the contrary you also know that moment you deeply hate someone for pretense such that their sight chokes you.Hearing them makes you uncomfortable and a dream about them is a nightmare. These things are real.The ‘hates and loves’ are strong too.As time goes by you begin to get  what it means by the line between love and hate is very thin.

Well the little I do remember is the much i have forgotten. How one day someone appeared out of nowhere. I am probably in my mid ages. And so i give myself an opportunity into overcoming my unknown fears.If you ask me over and over, i can’t explain what it was.Must have been something crooked but mmmh! that sounds bad…not really … how about if i call it a foundation. Yeah! It is on the same foundation i wished to build on.Too bad.

Just like any  other guy- Point of correction, just like me because am not just like any other guy. I wanted to learn a lot ranging from trials and errors but truth be told i never wanted to find myself in any guilt out of it.i wanted to teach her so many things. I wanted to get taught in how to deal with girls. After all i was from a family of boys; had never felt what it feels like to have a sister leave alone a ‘special someone’. But however things were, i always had my conscience alert. No mistakes.

A small history: She was pretty in her own ways despite the fact that she always claimed- the beautiful ones are yet to be born. I never contradicted the say although I hated to hear it especially from her. On matters of height, i can’t tell whether she was taller but from what i know, she always made me feel taller 24/7. But that was then. She was also possessive in someway and i suppose the possessive character played a great role in keeping me on my toes for long. It felt good though. But i still don’t get it how she juggled the mask and the possesive character in one basket. And i suppose am no longer interested in knowing how she did it. I wanted to be her Romeo but she gave me so many reasons of doubting whether she would fit in into being the ‘Perfect Juliet’.Not because she wasn’t good enough but her character of being torn in between making me a priority or an option.i just didn’t feel like i would survive the storm that would befall me in the deep-sea.

So i left not because i wanted to but it was best for me.And much can’t be said because she couldn’t pretend anymore.

Xoxo.

He sat there in agony as she granted out loudly,

“Who are you? Huh!What’s your problem? Do you think you are the only guy in the world? Guys are too many and as a matter of facts you are not the only one.”

She took a deep breath replied something in her phone smiling then changed into a smirk face at the glance of him. All this while the guy was quiet. His hands tucked  at the side pockets of his skinny jeans. He didn’t want to interfere with his telepathic engines. He was dumb though too  emotional and a single word from his mouth would have caused too many sobs. He didn’t want any pity. And so he held his tears the same way  a toddler does when daddy is holding the cane.She however didn’t  care.I suppose too much pride and justification was in her heart. She thought beauty would earn her someone else. Or maybe she thought that now that she has friends who take her for adventures during the weekends-The guy in front of her was more than trash.

“Look here Mr. or whatever you call yourself, there are so many successful guys who want to be with me.(Never say this to anyone no matter how low-life they are) Do you get it? I can’t waste my time waiting for you to crawl into success. So please get yourself some life.”

At this point Luke couldn’t hold back his tears, he slowly drew his left hand from the pocket and swiped them across his face.His T-shirt was a bit tattered and so she decided to make a mockery out of it.She held the edge of his shoulder with a prick of her long nails, smiled in  disguise and bragged,

“We ain’t compatible,I’m actually realizing it now.”

At the mention of it, She expected him to say much but he didn’t . Only few but deep words.

“Thank-you for loving me, hope you get what you are looking for. Goodbye.”

It sounds horrible doesn’t it? I got emotional too while reading this.It pains a lot but there’s nothing to be done about it. Luke has to pick his pieces and live his own life. As long as you are alive and healthy never let yourself feel desperate. The world is big enough for us all.

It is often said that everything happens for a reason.Things like why some of us are scared of becoming too happy because we have a notion that the happiness won’t last.However the truth is, you might never know how it feels unless you try. So give yourself a try to what is good enough it will never disappoint.Just like Luke always appreciate what you are given, I mean you probably expected to hear the guy argued or began making her jealousy with other girls but nop. Be you and listen to you.

Just as Luke was about to leave………….

To be continued.

Dear mine,
Many years together,few months of ups and down. The promised sweet days of a happy future together. A Love that I’ve never met before. The sensation you caused to me is exceptional. How your deep laughter drove me crazy and how you shifted positions just to escape my stares at you. You gave me the kind of craziness I’ve never had. I mean I’ve loved before(sorry to use my past) but the mystery was exceptional indeed.

Everything happened in a flash, first how I met you and had questions of trying to juggle up whether you were single or not. Then do you remember my hood and how all that grew slowly by slowly. How everyone had the notion that am too quite (which is true) and you were more than quite. The days you would just come in all quite, sit, listen and leave. I would look at you with so much fear. And always had this notion

“wow! She’s pretty and a good heart but how do I fit in?”

You know how that feels don’t you? Then do you remember the day I came to say hi and we had to leave together? The feeling of sitting in the same sit. Felt like we had sparks between the cushions. Not to forget how you had to bend a bit while walking besides me because you’re taller.And I was your photographer and that crazy name that I’d never want to disclose to anyone.The late night adventures and that secret place we would stand. It felt as if the world was all ours.