When I left home for Asia, a lot of things changed. I mean, it was like a new version of me was born. I might not be able to explain exactly what that means right now, but maybe with time I will or maybe never. Some experiences take time before you can fully understand what they did to you.
One of the things that bothered me most during my first year away from home was the thought of how much I wanted to stay. I wanted to stay home and be available when needed. I wanted to be there during emergencies. I wanted to take care of my aging parents, support my adulting siblings, and watch them continue to grow.
There was a time when I thought the noblest thing I could do was stay.
After all, love often looks like sacrifice, and sacrifice often looks like proof of love. Staying felt responsible. Staying felt loyal. Staying felt like the right thing to do.
But looking back, I had to ask myself a difficult question.
Was that really what they wanted for me?
I know it was what I wanted. I wanted to be there for them. I wanted to carry some of the burden. I wanted to make life a little easier for the people I love.
But was staying home the future they imagined for me?
As I look back now, I do not think so.
I truly believe they wanted me to pursue my own life, just as everyone else should. I believe they wanted me to grow into the person I am capable of becoming. And sometimes love asks us to go.
Not because we care less, but because growth requires movement.
If I had stayed home, all of us would have remained stuck in the same cycle, continuing to wrestle with many of the same challenges that pushed me to move in the first place. Sometimes the most loving decision is not the most comfortable one.
I think the greatest reward you can give to your family is not simply being nearby. It is for your parents to look at you and realize they raised a responsible person. Someone who can stand on their own feet. Someone who can take care of themselves and still be there for others.
That is responsibility.
Responsibility is not just about taking care of others. It is also about becoming the person you are meant to be.
Some people may look at leaving as abandoning family, but I do not think that is the truth. This is a matter of growth, and growth sometimes needs certain conditions for it to happen. For me, one of those conditions was moving away.
Even today, I still carry some guilt. I still feel bad watching my siblings grow and experience life while I am not there, especially because I am the firstborn. There are moments I wish I could be present for more of it.
But becoming my best self is probably the greatest gift I can ever give them.
So I am allowing myself to grow.
To build.
And to become.
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